Funny hospital

2007-06-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

2007-06-29T05:15:00.000-07:00

Neither angry nor young, seemingly man

2007-06-26T11:31:00.001-07:00

This is the typical and complete description of the secretary of the chairman, advisory committee, DGH. He is very polite, humble and soft spoken. Now you will say these all are good qualities, why am I worried about it. Yes, you are right. But the actual problem is not with these qualities, the point of discussion is the extent of them which has made him quite non reactive. Whatever you say to him, he will just laugh and ignore it.
I would have called him a saint if he would not have some other peculiar characteristics that are preventing him from receiving a crown of sainthood. I am telling you about them in brief:
1. High getting and least spending.
2. Over appraisal of the status of his native place which is not actually worthwhile.
3. Always staying at the receiving end whether some one giving or throwing anything.
4. And if you want something from him (only a foolish can expect it), you will always be disappointed.
This much explanation was for why in heading I have said him, ‘neither angry’, secondly age wise he cannot be said ‘young’. Thirdly why I am saying him ‘seemingly man’: He is newly married but he wants to pass his time away from his wife.
Now you can judge yourself his personality. If still you want to give him the crown of a saint, inform him immediately, as he is always ready to receive anything.

Angry young man

2007-06-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

He is angry but why……? Nobody knows. Whatever the reason is but he is always angry with everybody. It is not abnormal for every one of us to get angry if somebody misbehaves or does wrong but he gets angry without any reason. And whenever he is angry he can’t see who is in front of him. So I call him angry young man.
Our angry young man is angry with entire OPD staff, patients and everyone who meets him. So he can be angry even if he is facing a terrorist or George W. Bush. Let’s see how he reacts when he is angry.
Suppose an MI approaches him. After finishing examination and writing treatment if MI asks something, he gets irritated and says, “Go, go”. (I can not write his peculiar way of saying it.)
If somebody asks for sick leave (it is needed or not is another thing.). He replies,” I am a treating physician, not a sick leave doctor.”
Now we will see what the reason of his permanent anger is. Some say he is overburdened with the work, some say he is angry because of the discrimination he has to face here but I think the reason is that he feels great after being angry and being called as angry young man of the DGH.

Changed Focus

2007-06-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

From few days I am unable to maintain the regularity of my blog because of some disturbances taking place in DGH especially in our section of OPD. Such disturbances are not new for me but still their magnitude was sufficient to disturb the flow of my writing. I am not saying that there was some specific torture for me but I think some thing was more than that and for that I give all the credit to my co- specialists.
I was so upset that for the time being I shifted my focus from medical sciences to computers and internet and in that time I downloaded knoppix, iso image live CD, visual basics -2008 and many more things from the internet.
That was not depression but a sort of irritation. Why everyone is interested in making more and more money even from other’s share and though they are able to earn their maximum, they want more at the cost of other’s loss.

Simple living, high thinking

2007-06-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am sure each one of you have heard this well known saying before but if you want to see how to practice it, come to DGH and you will find majority of doctors practicing it, not only practicing but preaching also.
There are many in DGH who do this but some of them are ahead in the competition. Let me give you some examples so that if you want, you can also follow their footsteps to become great.
· In severe winter they come in shirts only, without any sweater or jacket. (According to them weather depends on your feelings. if you feel hot in winters there is no need of winter wear.)
· They collect sugar; water etc. from hospital to use at home. (Why waste money if they can get it free?)
· They live in single room houses, away from their families to save money.
· In hot summers, they don’t buy air conditioners and if they have them already, don’t use them because of the fear of electricity bill which is very little in amount here as compared to other countries (but why waste even that little amount if you can tolerate heat.)
· And one of them is the topper in the list according to me as he wears two shirts, one over another instead of sweater if he feels cold in winters.
Thus you can also try these useful tips to become great and if you have some other ideas please tell them so that they can follow those ideas to become greater and greatest.

Join Now

2007-05-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

There is an unwritten rule in our hospital, ‘If you recently joined the DGH as an NWG doctor, you should be in your maximum colors to show your capabilities.’ It is very necessary so that all can recognize that you are a member of NWG. It gives you two advantages; first of all the aggressiveness and a little work to do is directly proportionate. And the most important thing that salary is also related with the work as occurs everywhere but the difference is that it is inversely proportional in our hospital.
Let me explain; in DGH, it is quite common that for the same post one may get some salary and other may get some other amount while both have equal qualification and experience. So if you find your colleague getting higher salary, you can easily conclude that either he belongs to NWG or has relations with higher authorities.
So when one joins the DGH, he has to enroll himself in WG or NWG and it is quite obvious that most join NWG. Once in the group, he automatically learns the group behavior i.e. shouting, refusing referrals and complaining about work load (in spite of no work) in morning meetings.
One more thing, if you find a newly joined doctor delivering lecture in morning meeting, don’t be surprised as he must be the most reliable member of NWG.

Criteria For Excelence In DGH: Unmatched Foolishness

2007-05-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

Hi, as usual my DGH is gaining momentum in overall facets of development. Starting from routine works to specialized works, in every aspect it is showing itself.
If someone is doing something even if the work done is part of his job, it is appreciated. Amount of the appreciation is directly proportional to the propaganda done by that fool. Yes I am talking about my colleague. If anybody sees the euphoria shown by him he will surely think that some big procedure is done by him, but no he has done the same years old procedure removal of foreign body from the esophagus. He thinks that by getting publish his name in some insane paper means that he has done something great is his foolishness and nothing else. If a doctor feels great and euphoric after treating a routine patient then I don't think that administration of a good hospital will think twice about terminating such an idiot. But since I am working in DGH I have to wait for 1 more year to tolerate such foolishness and foolish persons.

Pet Word

2007-05-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we hear such things on which we don’t concentrate at that time. But after some time when those words strike on our mind, we can’t stop ourselves laughing. The same is the case with the word which some people are used to speak in each sentence i.e. pet word. When we regularly listen to them, we become used to and don’t understand what a blunder they have created in the meaning.
It happened with me some time ago when I met a doctor who used to speak ‘only’. This word was his pet word in response to whatever one say to him. Let’s have a look on some of his conversations with his colleagues and patients.
“I have four cars.”
“Only?”
“I am working here at the same post since 25 years.”
“Only?”
“I am 98 year old.”
“Only?”
“This patient has a large tumor in the brain which is going to kill him within a month.”
“Only?”
After some time spending with him I could understand that he was confused between the use of ‘really’ and ‘only’. Whatever the case but his ‘only’ was very humorous for all of us. I think if one would say, “I have 4 wives and uncountable girl friends.” He would surely say, “Only?”

SALARY HIKE

2007-05-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

“Congratulations, your name is in the Computer.”
“Thanks a lot, but it doesn’t matter as my name is there from last 7 years.”
I am talking about the absurd hike in DGH doctors’ salary. I call it absurd because the conditions for the hike are like this:
• If you are doing procedure ‘A’ – the hike is 70%
• If you are doing procedure ‘B’ – the hike is 50%
• But if in your specialty those procedures are not included – there will be no hike.
• Also if you have done procedure ‘A’ even 10 years back and only once in your life – your salary will be increased.
• But even if you are a specialist and have a very good knowledge and experience of that procedure but due to lack of such type of patient, you are unable to do these procedures – there will be no salary hike for you.
One more thing, in DGH there is no automatic salary hike. Doctors have to submit their documents along with the application for salary hike if they want it (it is because some may not want any increase in their salary and our hospital doesn’t want to go against their employees’ will.)

English at all

2007-05-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

Today I want to talk about a very special and interesting language which is spoken in our hospital. Apparently it resembles with English but in fact it is very difficult to understand if you are not accustomed to it. So to make you familiar with it, I am writing some sentences:
• I go to ward. (is this his habit?)
• He is very busy at all.
• See him; she is sick (Very quick gender change??)
• Doctor, take me (Don’t take it otherwise, sister is offering her help only.)
• Open me. (Oh no, she is not inviting. she wants me to open her mobile only.)
• Teetar is raised. (He means titre is raised.)
• You have seen na. (Means- have you seen?)
• Doctor, you are not straight. (Oh no, she is not talking otherwise. She is saying, “Doctor, you    are very cunning.”)
• Doctor, do you have sitamp?( She wants stamp)
• I want sapre.(No, she is not in love with Madhu Sapre. She wants spray.)
• Patient was well orientated. (great admirer of ‘t’.)
• One 65 year old male patient was admitted. (165 year old?? He must have his name in Guinness    book of world records.)
• With best wishes service patient’s office. (In rest of the world’s English: With best wishes from    Patient’s service office)

There are a lot of things but till now I could understand only these sentences. It would be very nice of the hospital administration if they could arrange an interpreter to make us understand the special language so that we may not be confused.

Laughing Nurse

2007-05-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

Today I want to introduce one mode of treatment that is ‘laughing’. This therapy was introduced by ……..Relax I am not going in detail of it but I want to introduce somebody who is forcefully practicing it. She is the nurse of my OPD. There are many in our hospital but she is the head of them. Now I explain how she practices it. (I will use ‘HeHeHe’ for laughing.)
The day starts like this:
“Good morning doctor, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Why the OPD is so dirty today, nurse?”
“I don’t know doctor. May be the attendant hasn’t come yet, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Did you send request for repair of the machine?”
“No doctor, I was busy, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., send now.”
“Now? ‘HeHeHe’, O.k., ‘HeHeHe’.
“What happened? Why are you laughing?”
“Me? ‘ HeHeHe’. No I am not laughing, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Then what is ‘HeHeHe’?
“HeHeHe HeHeHe’, it’s nothing. I am not laughing, ‘HeHeHe’.”
Sometimes when I am in resting room, she comes and says,
“Doctor there is a patient, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., I am coming.”
“Doctor there is a patient, ‘HeHeHe’.” (Perhaps she doesn’t listen to anything except her ‘HeHeHe’ or she wants to give me this therapy again and again.)
“O.k. sister, I am coming.”
“O.k. Doctor, please come quickly. ‘ HeHeHe’.”
If any of the doctors of DGH comes and asks about me or some other doctor of our department, she replies like this,
“I don’t know, ‘HeHeHe’, may be in OPD, ‘HeHeHe’ or in OPD director’s room ‘HeHeHe’ or in hospital director’s room, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., but wait……., who is sitting inside? This is the man whom I was looking for.”
“Oh, ‘HeHeHe HeHeHe’.” (long laughter of sorry)
When somebody calls in our OPD for any doctor, she replies,
“I don’t know where is he, ‘HeHeHe’ (even if that doctor is sitting in front of her) but who is calling? ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Oh, he is here ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Doctor, somebody is calling you ‘HeHeHe’.”
“What was his name?”
“Oh, he told me, ‘HeHeHe’. He was ……., oh no, he was……. ‘HeHeHe’.”
Then my response can only be, “Thank you very much sister, ‘HeHeHe HeHeHe HeHeHe HeHeHe………………”
( I think that after such a long laughter therapy we need some sort of crying therapy. If anybody knows where we can get it, let me know. I am a very needy person. For god sake please help me.)

Fully Dilated DGH

2007-05-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

Statuary warning: Reading this blog may be highly injurious to well being of some persons. (especially for some of the Doctors of DGH who do nothing except giving advices)
I was a little bit confused while starting this blog whether to write it in aggressive tone or go for a funny one. I was also not sure of the reactions of my colleagues. I was expecting their anger but to my utmost surprise came their fear. They are not only frightened but also talking irrationally as if I am a fugitive. Here are some of the examples of their foolishness:
1. This blog’s address is forwarded by you through blue tooth so you are the creator of the blog.
2. One can write to Microsoft to give complete identity of the creator of the blog. (Maybe he want to initiate war between Microsoft and Google)
3. Any information coming in the status bar of the browser is used to trace the creator of blog.
4. Your anonymous enemies can harm you by using your address for unknown reasons as they are doing with Bill Gates.
I don’t know that writing a simple and funny blog is such a big crime that all will start tracing me leaving aside their important work but such a foolish behavior and wonderful comments are inspiring me to start an other blog named ‘Fullydilatedalways.blogspot.com’ which will be solely dedicated to these doctors and I would be able to use the space of ‘Dghvista.blogspot.com’ to write other important matters in spite of wasting it on their cowardness.

Chairman, Advisory committee of DGH

2007-05-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met a person who is capable of giving advice on each and every aspect of your life’s problem? By the grace of almighty GOD we have such a nice person in our DGH. Whatever your problem is, the chairman of advisory committee (he is the only member of this committee) is ready with his solution. It is another thing that no one asks for his advices. And it is the same person whom I described in my previous post(Dated 1/05/2006). He has solution of every problem which can occur on the planet earth. Sometimes he just smells your problem and bring his novel (but futile) advice whether you are ready to listen to him or not.

For me his advices started before my marriage when he asked me to submit my profile on matrimonial websites (as he was more worried for it than my parents). Then after marriage he advised me not to tell my wife about my previous affairs (which I never had but perhaps he knew). Then he told me to purchase slippers for my wife (hats off to him, otherwise my wife would remain barefoot). Later on his advice was to arrange my home neatly to receive my wife (otherwise I was planning to put heaps of garbage for that). I think after some time he would advise me what to cook daily at my home.

It seems that in his contract there is one additional clause:
• You have to give advice to each and every Doctor of the DGH Whether he asks for it or not, but you are bound for that.

If that is the case I am sure that 90% of his salary is for being Chairman of the advisory committee and 10% is for working as a doctor. This difference is because we have very few flies in DGH whom he kills but there are a lot of people whom he can give advices.

(Special ADVICE:- If you need some advice, please contact him immediately so that we can breathe freely for some time in his absence.)

2007-05-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Friend Here but not there

2007-05-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hi,
“Look, I am your friend here but not there.” This declaration was made by him inside the DGH. I didn’t ask the details of ‘there’. I think according to him he is my friend in Hospital but not on streets and neither in his house nor in mine. Thank God! he is at least considering me his friend in OPD and hospital. But alas he is my friend only from 7.30am to 5pm but not afterwards and also since 12pm to 1pm he is not my friend as it is our lunch time. But I don’t know whether he is my friend on weekends and holidays or not, perhaps not.
Actually by that statement he wanted to make me understand not to forward him any email. As I am his friend in hospital, it does not mean that I can forward him emails after hospital timings. He doesn’t want any messages from me because I am writing this blog. According to him (and this is the view of many other also) any message forwarded by me will be intercepted and traced up to the receiving person. At last they will put him behind bars (of course I would be the first to go there because of writing a simple blog). Then he will say,” You are my friend in hospital but not HERE.”

Disease Classification in DGH

2007-04-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

In DGH every clinician is facing a dilemma whether the disease is severe or mild in a particular patient. You may think that here doctors are not good enough to judge it but it is not the truth. Actually here the severity of diseases is assessed by three factors:

1. Intensity of fever
2. patient’s/ attendant’s aggressiveness

3. patient’s relation with higher authorities (in fact it is the most important factor).

So in case of a semi conscious patient with a high blood sugar level, doctor can refuse admission because the patient doesn’t have any support from higher authorities. And by God’s grace there is no one to ask the doctor about it because that doctor belongs to the NWG (non working group).

On the other hand, a patient (MI) comes and straightly orders for admission whatever the disease is. Now no one on this earth can convince him that there is no need of that except the doctors of NWG.
So if anybody wants to come to DGH as a patient, first make sure that you have valid sources.

Throat Examination

2007-04-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hi again,
In DGH we gather daily for meeting in the morning for discussing admitted cases (yes nowadays we discuss cases whereas previously we used to quarrel in those meetings).
Anyway in that meeting, it is an unwritten rule to describe the throat condition of every patient i.e. throat clean or sore throat. So every doctor tells about it like:

• Patient admitted with alleged history of RTA with multiple injuries to chest and abdomen, unconscious but throat clear.

• Patient admitted in medical OPD with complaints of loss of consciousness and immobile left half of body with sore throat.
• Patient admitted with eruptions all over the body with history of drug ingestion some time back and sore throat.
There is one more issue related with the throat examination which was raised by our NWG Doctor. Why the ENT doctors in DGH examine throat by tongue depressor only while in other hospitals otoscope, nasal speculum and laryngeal mirror are also used for this purpose ( my mind is bemused, isn’t yours?). And I am damn sure that if they would be given more time they would ask that why do the doctors here do USG by USG machine only and not by CT or MRI machine and also why don’t they do any other procedure by USG machine like x ray or ct scan? (Really it is the misuse of USG machine.)
So if anybody is planning to join the DGH, please be prepared for doing throat examination whatever the case may be and also practice to do this examination by all the available instruments otherwise you will be declared inefficient.

Referrologist

2007-04-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,
In the last post I was a little bit serious because some of my colleagues were quite curious whether my approach was right or wrong so I gave clarification.
Today I want to discuss one issue which is very much discussed in our hospital and that is referral. Since this blog is initiated by me so if you allow, I want to elaborate this issue in my way.
Referrals received:-
Some times the referring doctor is very specific like ‘referred to such and such doctor for this procedure’ or like ‘doctor come to ER and do stitching’ (this is another thing that most of the time no procedure is required in such patient.) or some times doctor is called to rule out some disease like:
• Referred to surgeon to rule out appendicitis. Or
• Referred to neurosurgeon to rule out brain abscess (that means if he rules out brain abscess, referring doctor will not allow him further to interfere in the management of the disease).
• Referred to ENT specialist to rule out adenoids.
So you can see the specific trend of our DGH in giving referrals. One thing more some of our NWG (No Work Group) Doctors are very desperate to get the post of referrologist. This post may be new for you but it is available in our hospital, and by GOD’S grace only qualification needed is The Least Knowledge among the NWG Doctors.

Dangerous

2007-04-22T09:08:00.000-07:00

Hi folks,
Some times I wonder why I am

writing this when every other person warns me that it may be

dangerous. But then I give three reasons for it:
(1) It is
not against any government organization or even against
hospital authorities.
(2) Even if it is against some higher
authorities, it is not wrong to speak the truth.
(3) To tell
all that this world is not forever. One day we will have to
face the GOD
and then He will ask that why you forced your colleague to do
your work and why you behaved badly with some and nicely with
others (this difference in behavior is not after full
assessment but starts from the very beginning). GOD
allows good behavior with some and less good with others. HE

may allow even rough behave with all but HE

will never forgive the discrimination. HE
can forgive if one is negligent in remembering HIM,
if one is negligent in prayers but violation of human rights is
the thing which HE
will never forgive.
So my dear friends today funny hospital
was not so funny, remember, ‘Laughing is good but it
is not everything’.
As you can see I am posting
this blog on alternate days, it is not because of my laziness
or lack of contents. the sole reason of delay is that I want to
give the refined and pure content.
In the meantime I do
research for some good links to provide you some good
websites.

Today’s links:
·
http://www.wikipedia.org/
- very good website for any sort of detail. I can assure, you
can find everything here.
· Special Doctor's
Prescriptions

Dual Personality

2007-04-20T03:30:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Yesterday I discussed a few things about our DGH’s doctors. Today I want to elaborate it. Lets starts from the biggest doctor (according to body size) of our hospital. Once upon a time he was the chief but now he is only a specialist like us. So we can divide his life in DGH in two parts: as a chief and as a simple specialist because he has two entirely different personalities in these two periods.

As a chief he was very aggressive, agitated, irritated and a sort of irritated person. If any one greet him ‘good morning’ (of course in morning hours), he would neglect him or just say 'welcome' in response. If you go to him for any help, he would yell at you and won’t even listen to you. If you approach him for any problem or complain, he would always take favor of the opposite side. And by chance you commit any mistake, he would elaborate your mistake after renaming it as ‘the zoster’(perhaps he means disaster). Here are some common disasters according to him:

(1) Letting go a patient from ward (in your absence).

(2) Referring patient to the doctor of ‘no work’ group in case of doubt.

(3) Taking leave in case of some real emergency.

(4) Changing antibiotic in case of no response in more than two days.

These are a few examples of great ‘the zosters’.But I must say he was really good at his heart though:

(1) He never gave leave to doctors even if one of their close relatives died.

(2) If you would approach him for any paper work, he takes your paper and asks you to come later as he wanted to see you again and again.

But like all other good hearted people of this world, he couldn't’ cherish and now he is no more the chief. And as I said earlier this change has entirely altered his personality. If someone meets him now, he not even recognizes him but greets him himself and asks about his well being also. If you need his help, he is always ready even before you ask for it. (But beware he is still deadly for some).

So pray from GOD,please don’t take back any more post from him because any more take back can change him so much that we will have to arrange psychiatrist for the management of his loss of memory and consciousness.

Bye and thanks for reading.

Some good links : where you can listen some good Hindi songs.

http://www.indianmelody.com/

http://www.smashit.com

Etiquettes

2007-04-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

Hi,
Lets come back to our most civilized MI (oh, Patient if you are new). Since long I am dealing with MIs in DGH and appreciating their excellent sophisticated mannerism. One of their good manners is hand shake. Yes they are very civilized in this etiquette also (I added ‘also’ here because they are civilized in everything like in asking questions, complaining about sick leave, ordering favor etc.). When they enter the room, they shake hand and ask how you are.
Assume a situation, he asked for sick leave and I refused. Then he abused me and went to some higher authority to complain. Now when he returns he would do the same, I mean hand shake and asking about my well being. Now you can imagine how I feel at that time.
Sometimes after a warm hand shake with an MI, my colleague, coming from some other OPD, tells that this patient was in the skin OPD two minutes back and was diagnosed as having scabies (oh God???).
So be patient and always keep some disinfectant with you. You may need both in case an MI wants to shake hand with you.

Politician or Doctor

2007-04-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hi,
Today I want to dwell in history. No not the history of world but the history of our DGH. Once upon a time here was a resident doctor known as, oh leave it and let’s call him small fat man. As I said he was a resident but he was fattier than a consultant. Oh sorry I mean more influential than a consultant.
As noted to ministry he was a resident but he was working as a specialist and as far as posts are concerned he was the director of one department, head of another department, and assistant director of OPD and may be he had some other posts also which were known to local public.
His favorite pass time was politics. I think the better term would be full time. He used to ask for sick leave, not for him but for his absurd friends in a very peculiar and different way. After refusing to give any patient the sick leave, we would receive a very polite phone call from him, ”Doctor, can you give sick leave to such and such patient?” then we had two options, yes or no. and in case if we went for second option, we would have to suffer a lot like:
(1) Salary cut for few days.
(2) Transfer/ deportment to some remote area.
(3) Special consideration for you in doctors’ meeting.
I think this much detail is not sufficient to describe entire aspects of his personality so I will deal it later.
Good bye for now.

Some good sites:

Medical mistakes

Medical jokes

DSL Craving

2007-04-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

Hi, friends, once again I am here with my funny hospital. Within last few days there is a lot of discussion in DGH about DSL (Digital Subscriber Line). May be they are waiting for some more valuable service or may be absolutely free service at no monthly rentals or maybe free cards. I don't know why people discuss things which they don't want to do. We have got life only once, and the part of life in which we are now is also life and we should not waste our life living in misery. Nothing more to say, bye

MI

2007-04-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,
Today I faced a nice puzzle which I want to share with you. Today an MI approached me with his son who had some infection. He told me that he is repeatedly infected since three months and now he wants it to be operated. I told him that he was very young child for that operation but he insisted. He argued that his son had received a lot of antibiotics in last three months so we had no option but to do the operation. I tried my best to make him understand but all in vain. He was not ready to listen anything and repeatedly spoke a single sentence, “you must do the operation”.
At last I submitted my oral apology in his court and said sorry. Then the brave king returned from my OPD and I had a sigh of relief.
Moral of the story: Never argue with an MI, say sorry in the beginning.
Oh sorry, I have to go. Somebody (most probably an MI) is asking about dermatology OPD.

http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/ Download firefox from here and use it as your browser, it works well on slow connections also.

Doctors' classification

2007-04-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Sorry for yesterday’s missed post. Because of some unavoidable reasons, I was unable to post. Let’s come on the topic again. We have talked about MI and staff. Today it will be better if we talk about doctors also.

As far as doctors are concerned we can divide them in two categories. In first category I have put the doctors who do nothing. Roaming here and there, and drinking tea or coffee is their sole responsibility. So they are free from all the tensions of work. In second group are the doctors who work not only theirs but also the work left by the first group. So they are frustrated, tired and irritated by the work load. Obviously the first group is very relaxed and happy and the second group is tensed and tearful most of the time.

One more thing, if you refer a case to any of the doctors of first group, he will get angry, complain against you and raise this issue in doctors meeting. But he can refer a case to you anytime and you can’t speak a single word as you are here to work, not for speaking.

So my suggestion for the doctors is: change your position immediately and join the ‘no work’ group. You will feel more comfortable as there is no work so no worry. You will be happy all the time so can meet an MI jubilantly to solve his and yours all the problems.

That is all for today.

Funny Hospital and Questionnaire

2007-04-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

I am here once again. Today in our hospital the topic of discussion is whether we are doctors or clerks sitting at enquiry office. Wait, I explain. We work here and while going for round any MI catches hold of us and asks a series of questions like where is laboratory. Other questions are also very commonly asked:

Q: Where is pharmacy?
A: Outside and on right.
Q: Where is surgical OPD?
A: In the beginning of OPDs.
Q: Where is hospital director’s room?
A: On the top floor.
Q: Can I go for toilet?
A: No
Q: Where is dr. so and so?
A: I don’t know.
Q: Why you don’t know?
A: No answer (as I couldn’t install hidden cameras in entire hospital till now, though I wish).
Q: Why are you not in your OPD?
A: No answer (This question was by OPD director who can appear anywhere any time like a perfect ghost).
There are also many official papers for doctors’ clearance. For that papers there are three typical questions:
(1) Finished here?
(2) What remaining?
(3) Where is that section in which remaining part will be completed?

So there is urgent need of closing OPDs and starting a question and answer section or we may say a quiz department for doctors where anyone can come and ask as many questions as he likes and in the end the winner doctor should be awarded with a long leave to regain his energy.

Bye

My Beloved Staff

2007-03-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

Hi, again.

Truly speaking, the enthralling experience in the DGH has changed my personality completely. But that change is unimportant as compared to more important things taking place here daily, so we can postpone discussing those changes and right now we should talk about more important things. In previous two posts I have discussed a few things about the MI (also k/a patient); today I want to discuss something about the hospital staff.

Infact I love my DGH’s staff as they are very humble and polite. When you go to the administrative section of the Hospital for something they will give you full chance for aerobics, because you have to run here and there to find the desired clerk. Then he will help you from the depth of his heart, but firstly you will have to sign on the form regarding his sick leave. HERE YOU CAN NOT NEGOTIATE. When you are ready to give sick leave to him, he will tell you that the person you want is in room no. 3 or 4. So you can see how much health conscious they are, they want you to do both physical and mental exercises. (Mental exercise is in thinking few good words about them).

Sometimes someone of my beloved staff comes in my OPD and without waiting for his turn, orders for examination of himself or his relative. Yes here also the same questionnaire is provided and the last question is of course about sick leave. They are really very nice people as they want you to learn more and to do some mental exercises regularly because if you do not do that yours and his mental level will be the same.

As far as sick leave is concerned you should give it very intelligently. And I think no one on this earth is intelligent enough because if you give sick leave you will be investigated by the local authorities and if you refuse to give, you will be investigated by both local authorities and health ministry.

Please try to understand, they want to do something besides drinking tea in their rooms and discussing current affairs and for that, investigation is a good time pass. Isn’t it?

Bye till tomorrow

Funny Hospital and sick leave department

2007-03-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hi, remember me, I am the same doctor who is enjoying the experience of working in DGH.

Today as always happens here one MI (Madness inducer i.e. Patient) came with his 10 month old son. I examined him and prescribed the required medications, of course after solving his puzzle book (verbal book of questions). Then after 10 minutes he came again and gave me another puzzle book but of somewhat higher level. His puzzles were like this, this baby was admitted 5 days back in this hospital, and he had received antibiotics at that time, so what is the need now? I replied,” No problem, as there is infection, he must be given antibiotics again.” then he asked isn’t it harmful for a 10 month old child to receive antibiotics again. I told him that it is not harmful as far as there is clear indication. But my answer couldn’t quench his thirst so he asked again and again. At last I pat my soul to be patient for some more seconds and said,” Ok, please stop the antibiotic and continue the rest of the medication.” Then he asked me the trickiest question of the day,” If now you are stopping the antibiotic why did you write it at the first instance.” Nice puzzle. I accepted my defeat and couldn’t speak a single word except ‘Sorry’. Then he left the OPD proudly wearing a victorious king’s smile on his face. We should accept now it’s the time of equality and illiterate patients can also have more knowledge than a doctor.

Nearly same incidence happened few months back. One female patient came and complained about pain somewhere. I examined and found nothing. But I prescribed pain killer just to give her some relief. But she couldn’t tolerate my relief so handed over her questionnaire to me, and that was like this:

Her Questions followed by My Answers:
What is the diagnosis? Nothing
Have you found any problem? No, no problem at all
What did you write? Pain Killers
Give me sick leave? No
Please? No
PLEASE? No, please
If there is no problem why did you write medication? !!

And now the main part of the story, nearly after 10 minutes my phone rang reminding me that I had done something wrong again. The same man, with nasal twang was saying,” Doctor, this patient is complaing that you have misbehaved with her. Ok leave that, can you give her sick leave?”

Now I am seriously thinking about opening a sick leave department and I am sure it will be the most overcrowded department of the DGH.

Bye till tomorrow.

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http://weblogs.about.com

http://www.useit.com/alertbox/weblogs.html

http://www.useit.com/papers/webwriting

http://www.davidco.com/store/catalog

http://www.photoshopsupport.com/jennifer/blog-templates.html