Technorati Profile

Neither angry nor young, seemingly man

This is the typical and complete description of the secretary of the chairman, advisory committee, DGH. He is very polite, humble and soft spoken. Now you will say these all are good qualities, why am I worried about it. Yes, you are right. But the actual problem is not with these qualities, the point of discussion is the extent of them which has made him quite non reactive. Whatever you say to him, he will just laugh and ignore it.
I would have called him a saint if he would not have some other peculiar characteristics that are preventing him from receiving a crown of sainthood. I am telling you about them in brief:
1. High getting and least spending.
2. Over appraisal of the status of his native place which is not actually worthwhile.
3. Always staying at the receiving end whether some one giving or throwing anything.
4. And if you want something from him (only a foolish can expect it), you will always be disappointed.
This much explanation was for why in heading I have said him, ‘neither angry’, secondly age wise he cannot be said ‘young’. Thirdly why I am saying him ‘seemingly man’: He is newly married but he wants to pass his time away from his wife.
Now you can judge yourself his personality. If still you want to give him the crown of a saint, inform him immediately, as he is always ready to receive anything.

Angry young man

He is angry but why……? Nobody knows. Whatever the reason is but he is always angry with everybody. It is not abnormal for every one of us to get angry if somebody misbehaves or does wrong but he gets angry without any reason. And whenever he is angry he can’t see who is in front of him. So I call him angry young man.
Our angry young man is angry with entire OPD staff, patients and everyone who meets him. So he can be angry even if he is facing a terrorist or George W. Bush. Let’s see how he reacts when he is angry.
Suppose an MI approaches him. After finishing examination and writing treatment if MI asks something, he gets irritated and says, “Go, go”. (I can not write his peculiar way of saying it.)
If somebody asks for sick leave (it is needed or not is another thing.). He replies,” I am a treating physician, not a sick leave doctor.”
Now we will see what the reason of his permanent anger is. Some say he is overburdened with the work, some say he is angry because of the discrimination he has to face here but I think the reason is that he feels great after being angry and being called as angry young man of the DGH.

Changed Focus

From few days I am unable to maintain the regularity of my blog because of some disturbances taking place in DGH especially in our section of OPD. Such disturbances are not new for me but still their magnitude was sufficient to disturb the flow of my writing. I am not saying that there was some specific torture for me but I think some thing was more than that and for that I give all the credit to my co- specialists.
I was so upset that for the time being I shifted my focus from medical sciences to computers and internet and in that time I downloaded knoppix, iso image live CD, visual basics -2008 and many more things from the internet.
That was not depression but a sort of irritation. Why everyone is interested in making more and more money even from other’s share and though they are able to earn their maximum, they want more at the cost of other’s loss.

Simple living, high thinking

I am sure each one of you have heard this well known saying before but if you want to see how to practice it, come to DGH and you will find majority of doctors practicing it, not only practicing but preaching also.
There are many in DGH who do this but some of them are ahead in the competition. Let me give you some examples so that if you want, you can also follow their footsteps to become great.
· In severe winter they come in shirts only, without any sweater or jacket. (According to them weather depends on your feelings. if you feel hot in winters there is no need of winter wear.)
· They collect sugar; water etc. from hospital to use at home. (Why waste money if they can get it free?)
· They live in single room houses, away from their families to save money.
· In hot summers, they don’t buy air conditioners and if they have them already, don’t use them because of the fear of electricity bill which is very little in amount here as compared to other countries (but why waste even that little amount if you can tolerate heat.)
· And one of them is the topper in the list according to me as he wears two shirts, one over another instead of sweater if he feels cold in winters.
Thus you can also try these useful tips to become great and if you have some other ideas please tell them so that they can follow those ideas to become greater and greatest.

Join Now

There is an unwritten rule in our hospital, ‘If you recently joined the DGH as an NWG doctor, you should be in your maximum colors to show your capabilities.’ It is very necessary so that all can recognize that you are a member of NWG. It gives you two advantages; first of all the aggressiveness and a little work to do is directly proportionate. And the most important thing that salary is also related with the work as occurs everywhere but the difference is that it is inversely proportional in our hospital.
Let me explain; in DGH, it is quite common that for the same post one may get some salary and other may get some other amount while both have equal qualification and experience. So if you find your colleague getting higher salary, you can easily conclude that either he belongs to NWG or has relations with higher authorities.
So when one joins the DGH, he has to enroll himself in WG or NWG and it is quite obvious that most join NWG. Once in the group, he automatically learns the group behavior i.e. shouting, refusing referrals and complaining about work load (in spite of no work) in morning meetings.
One more thing, if you find a newly joined doctor delivering lecture in morning meeting, don’t be surprised as he must be the most reliable member of NWG.

Criteria For Excelence In DGH: Unmatched Foolishness

Hi, as usual my DGH is gaining momentum in overall facets of development. Starting from routine works to specialized works, in every aspect it is showing itself.
If someone is doing something even if the work done is part of his job, it is appreciated. Amount of the appreciation is directly proportional to the propaganda done by that fool. Yes I am talking about my colleague. If anybody sees the euphoria shown by him he will surely think that some big procedure is done by him, but no he has done the same years old procedure removal of foreign body from the esophagus. He thinks that by getting publish his name in some insane paper means that he has done something great is his foolishness and nothing else. If a doctor feels great and euphoric after treating a routine patient then I don't think that administration of a good hospital will think twice about terminating such an idiot. But since I am working in DGH I have to wait for 1 more year to tolerate such foolishness and foolish persons.

Pet Word

Sometimes we hear such things on which we don’t concentrate at that time. But after some time when those words strike on our mind, we can’t stop ourselves laughing. The same is the case with the word which some people are used to speak in each sentence i.e. pet word. When we regularly listen to them, we become used to and don’t understand what a blunder they have created in the meaning.
It happened with me some time ago when I met a doctor who used to speak ‘only’. This word was his pet word in response to whatever one say to him. Let’s have a look on some of his conversations with his colleagues and patients.
“I have four cars.”
“Only?”
“I am working here at the same post since 25 years.”
“Only?”
“I am 98 year old.”
“Only?”
“This patient has a large tumor in the brain which is going to kill him within a month.”
“Only?”
After some time spending with him I could understand that he was confused between the use of ‘really’ and ‘only’. Whatever the case but his ‘only’ was very humorous for all of us. I think if one would say, “I have 4 wives and uncountable girl friends.” He would surely say, “Only?”

SALARY HIKE

“Congratulations, your name is in the Computer.”
“Thanks a lot, but it doesn’t matter as my name is there from last 7 years.”
I am talking about the absurd hike in DGH doctors’ salary. I call it absurd because the conditions for the hike are like this:
• If you are doing procedure ‘A’ – the hike is 70%
• If you are doing procedure ‘B’ – the hike is 50%
• But if in your specialty those procedures are not included – there will be no hike.
• Also if you have done procedure ‘A’ even 10 years back and only once in your life – your salary will be increased.
• But even if you are a specialist and have a very good knowledge and experience of that procedure but due to lack of such type of patient, you are unable to do these procedures – there will be no salary hike for you.
One more thing, in DGH there is no automatic salary hike. Doctors have to submit their documents along with the application for salary hike if they want it (it is because some may not want any increase in their salary and our hospital doesn’t want to go against their employees’ will.)

English at all

Today I want to talk about a very special and interesting language which is spoken in our hospital. Apparently it resembles with English but in fact it is very difficult to understand if you are not accustomed to it. So to make you familiar with it, I am writing some sentences:
• I go to ward. (is this his habit?)
• He is very busy at all.
• See him; she is sick (Very quick gender change??)
• Doctor, take me (Don’t take it otherwise, sister is offering her help only.)
• Open me. (Oh no, she is not inviting. she wants me to open her mobile only.)
• Teetar is raised. (He means titre is raised.)
• You have seen na. (Means- have you seen?)
• Doctor, you are not straight. (Oh no, she is not talking otherwise. She is saying, “Doctor, you    are very cunning.”)
• Doctor, do you have sitamp?( She wants stamp)
• I want sapre.(No, she is not in love with Madhu Sapre. She wants spray.)
• Patient was well orientated. (great admirer of ‘t’.)
• One 65 year old male patient was admitted. (165 year old?? He must have his name in Guinness    book of world records.)
• With best wishes service patient’s office. (In rest of the world’s English: With best wishes from    Patient’s service office)

There are a lot of things but till now I could understand only these sentences. It would be very nice of the hospital administration if they could arrange an interpreter to make us understand the special language so that we may not be confused.

Laughing Nurse

Today I want to introduce one mode of treatment that is ‘laughing’. This therapy was introduced by ……..Relax I am not going in detail of it but I want to introduce somebody who is forcefully practicing it. She is the nurse of my OPD. There are many in our hospital but she is the head of them. Now I explain how she practices it. (I will use ‘HeHeHe’ for laughing.)
The day starts like this:
“Good morning doctor, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Why the OPD is so dirty today, nurse?”
“I don’t know doctor. May be the attendant hasn’t come yet, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Did you send request for repair of the machine?”
“No doctor, I was busy, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., send now.”
“Now? ‘HeHeHe’, O.k., ‘HeHeHe’.
“What happened? Why are you laughing?”
“Me? ‘ HeHeHe’. No I am not laughing, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Then what is ‘HeHeHe’?
“HeHeHe HeHeHe’, it’s nothing. I am not laughing, ‘HeHeHe’.”
Sometimes when I am in resting room, she comes and says,
“Doctor there is a patient, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., I am coming.”
“Doctor there is a patient, ‘HeHeHe’.” (Perhaps she doesn’t listen to anything except her ‘HeHeHe’ or she wants to give me this therapy again and again.)
“O.k. sister, I am coming.”
“O.k. Doctor, please come quickly. ‘ HeHeHe’.”
If any of the doctors of DGH comes and asks about me or some other doctor of our department, she replies like this,
“I don’t know, ‘HeHeHe’, may be in OPD, ‘HeHeHe’ or in OPD director’s room ‘HeHeHe’ or in hospital director’s room, ‘HeHeHe’.”
“O.k., but wait……., who is sitting inside? This is the man whom I was looking for.”
“Oh, ‘HeHeHe HeHeHe’.” (long laughter of sorry)
When somebody calls in our OPD for any doctor, she replies,
“I don’t know where is he, ‘HeHeHe’ (even if that doctor is sitting in front of her) but who is calling? ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Oh, he is here ‘HeHeHe’.”
“Doctor, somebody is calling you ‘HeHeHe’.”
“What was his name?”
“Oh, he told me, ‘HeHeHe’. He was ……., oh no, he was……. ‘HeHeHe’.”
Then my response can only be, “Thank you very much sister, ‘HeHeHe HeHeHe HeHeHe HeHeHe………………”
( I think that after such a long laughter therapy we need some sort of crying therapy. If anybody knows where we can get it, let me know. I am a very needy person. For god sake please help me.)

Fully Dilated DGH

Statuary warning: Reading this blog may be highly injurious to well being of some persons. (especially for some of the Doctors of DGH who do nothing except giving advices)
I was a little bit confused while starting this blog whether to write it in aggressive tone or go for a funny one. I was also not sure of the reactions of my colleagues. I was expecting their anger but to my utmost surprise came their fear. They are not only frightened but also talking irrationally as if I am a fugitive. Here are some of the examples of their foolishness:
1. This blog’s address is forwarded by you through blue tooth so you are the creator of the blog.
2. One can write to Microsoft to give complete identity of the creator of the blog. (Maybe he want to initiate war between Microsoft and Google)
3. Any information coming in the status bar of the browser is used to trace the creator of blog.
4. Your anonymous enemies can harm you by using your address for unknown reasons as they are doing with Bill Gates.
I don’t know that writing a simple and funny blog is such a big crime that all will start tracing me leaving aside their important work but such a foolish behavior and wonderful comments are inspiring me to start an other blog named ‘Fullydilatedalways.blogspot.com’ which will be solely dedicated to these doctors and I would be able to use the space of ‘Dghvista.blogspot.com’ to write other important matters in spite of wasting it on their cowardness.

Chairman, Advisory committee of DGH

Have you ever met a person who is capable of giving advice on each and every aspect of your life’s problem? By the grace of almighty GOD we have such a nice person in our DGH. Whatever your problem is, the chairman of advisory committee (he is the only member of this committee) is ready with his solution. It is another thing that no one asks for his advices. And it is the same person whom I described in my previous post(Dated 1/05/2006). He has solution of every problem which can occur on the planet earth. Sometimes he just smells your problem and bring his novel (but futile) advice whether you are ready to listen to him or not.

For me his advices started before my marriage when he asked me to submit my profile on matrimonial websites (as he was more worried for it than my parents). Then after marriage he advised me not to tell my wife about my previous affairs (which I never had but perhaps he knew). Then he told me to purchase slippers for my wife (hats off to him, otherwise my wife would remain barefoot). Later on his advice was to arrange my home neatly to receive my wife (otherwise I was planning to put heaps of garbage for that). I think after some time he would advise me what to cook daily at my home.

It seems that in his contract there is one additional clause:
• You have to give advice to each and every Doctor of the DGH Whether he asks for it or not, but you are bound for that.

If that is the case I am sure that 90% of his salary is for being Chairman of the advisory committee and 10% is for working as a doctor. This difference is because we have very few flies in DGH whom he kills but there are a lot of people whom he can give advices.

(Special ADVICE:- If you need some advice, please contact him immediately so that we can breathe freely for some time in his absence.)

Friend Here but not there

Hi,
“Look, I am your friend here but not there.” This declaration was made by him inside the DGH. I didn’t ask the details of ‘there’. I think according to him he is my friend in Hospital but not on streets and neither in his house nor in mine. Thank God! he is at least considering me his friend in OPD and hospital. But alas he is my friend only from 7.30am to 5pm but not afterwards and also since 12pm to 1pm he is not my friend as it is our lunch time. But I don’t know whether he is my friend on weekends and holidays or not, perhaps not.
Actually by that statement he wanted to make me understand not to forward him any email. As I am his friend in hospital, it does not mean that I can forward him emails after hospital timings. He doesn’t want any messages from me because I am writing this blog. According to him (and this is the view of many other also) any message forwarded by me will be intercepted and traced up to the receiving person. At last they will put him behind bars (of course I would be the first to go there because of writing a simple blog). Then he will say,” You are my friend in hospital but not HERE.”

Disease Classification in DGH

In DGH every clinician is facing a dilemma whether the disease is severe or mild in a particular patient. You may think that here doctors are not good enough to judge it but it is not the truth. Actually here the severity of diseases is assessed by three factors:

1. Intensity of fever
2. patient’s/ attendant’s aggressiveness

3. patient’s relation with higher authorities (in fact it is the most important factor).

So in case of a semi conscious patient with a high blood sugar level, doctor can refuse admission because the patient doesn’t have any support from higher authorities. And by God’s grace there is no one to ask the doctor about it because that doctor belongs to the NWG (non working group).

On the other hand, a patient (MI) comes and straightly orders for admission whatever the disease is. Now no one on this earth can convince him that there is no need of that except the doctors of NWG.
So if anybody wants to come to DGH as a patient, first make sure that you have valid sources.