English at all

Today I want to talk about a very special and interesting language which is spoken in our hospital. Apparently it resembles with English but in fact it is very difficult to understand if you are not accustomed to it. So to make you familiar with it, I am writing some sentences:
• I go to ward. (is this his habit?)
• He is very busy at all.
• See him; she is sick (Very quick gender change??)
• Doctor, take me (Don’t take it otherwise, sister is offering her help only.)
• Open me. (Oh no, she is not inviting. she wants me to open her mobile only.)
• Teetar is raised. (He means titre is raised.)
• You have seen na. (Means- have you seen?)
• Doctor, you are not straight. (Oh no, she is not talking otherwise. She is saying, “Doctor, you    are very cunning.”)
• Doctor, do you have sitamp?( She wants stamp)
• I want sapre.(No, she is not in love with Madhu Sapre. She wants spray.)
• Patient was well orientated. (great admirer of ‘t’.)
• One 65 year old male patient was admitted. (165 year old?? He must have his name in Guinness    book of world records.)
• With best wishes service patient’s office. (In rest of the world’s English: With best wishes from    Patient’s service office)

There are a lot of things but till now I could understand only these sentences. It would be very nice of the hospital administration if they could arrange an interpreter to make us understand the special language so that we may not be confused.